


Emotions Suck

by ASkyOfKai



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, I wish I had a Patton, Logan Needs A Hug, rated t for cussing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15737223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASkyOfKai/pseuds/ASkyOfKai
Summary: Logan had a problem with emotions. It wasn’t uncommon knowledge around the school that no one had ever seen him happier than pleased or madder than annoyed. He let himself feel some positive emotions around his friends, and it was okay. Until it wasn’t.





	Emotions Suck

**Author's Note:**

> So I kinda just poured my own emotions into this? Idk, I relate to Logan way too much, and I got into an argument with my mom and then this oneshot happened. I also came to a couple realizations about myself while writing this so at least it wasn't a complete waste.
> 
> Sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes I didn't catch in this.

Logan had a problem with emotions. It wasn’t uncommon knowledge around the school that no one had ever seen him happier than pleased or madder than annoyed. He let himself feel some positive emotions around his friends, and it was okay. Until it wasn’t. 

See, thanks to that annoying little thing called being human, Logan didn’t lack in strong emotions. He just pushed them down until he was numb. Besides, being numb made it easier to be more productive. But when you bottle up emotions and lock them away, they will often find a way to break the chains.

That morning Logan had fallen asleep at 6am and woken at 8, getting approximately three hours less sleep than he usually needed. Then he couldn’t find Chemistry textbook. And finally, he’d tripped on his way out the door and cracked his phone screen. It had not been a good morning. 

When he got to school, Roman, Patton, and Virgil were waiting for him. Patton immediately sensed something was off with Logan and tried to pry it out of him, causing Logan to get more annoyed. He was fine, thank you very much. Patton didn’t seem to buy it, but at least he dropped it eventually. 

Lunchtime rolled around and the four friends were sitting at their usual table when Patton and Roman’s classmates Thomas and Joan joined them. The conversation descended into music and Logan listened in quietly, occasionally piping up with statistics and number one charts. 

“Have you heard the new song by Imagine Dragons?” Roman asked them excitedly. “I love love love it! _Cause you're a natural, a beating heart of stone, you gotta be so cold, to make it in this world..._ ” Then Roman turned to Logan. “Hey the lyrics are perfect for you!” 

That’s when Logan lost it. His hands clenched and he stood up, jaw clenching as he tried to hold back the emotions that were pounding at his temples. 

“I may not show my feelings,” Logan hissed, “But that doesn't mean insults don't pain me. At least I don’t drive everyone crazy with flamboyant ideas that will never work or delude myself with fantasies.” He immediately bit his tongue to keep from saying any more, already regretting his words.

“I—” Roman stared at Logan with shock and hurt in his eyes. “I was just making a joke.”

“Sorry,” Logan muttered, and then turned and ran out of the cafeteria. His brain was screaming and he was mad, everything was mad, and there was a lump in his throat and he didn’t know what to do and and and. It was all a blur, too much and too little all at the same time, and there was a literal pain ripping through his chest. 

“Hey.” There was Patton’s voice near him and Logan opened his eyes, realizing he had slid to the floor near his locker. The other boy sat down next to him and Logan tensed.

“Patton just leave me alone,” He said through clenched teeth, looking down at the shiny linoleum floors.

“No.”

“Pat—wha—no no no fuck—just go I don’t—I don’t—” Logan pressed his lips together and screamed in the back of his throat. Patton just sat there until he was done.

“Are you good now?” 

Logan nodded.

“Okay. You know, when I was younger I didn’t like emotions either.”

Logan stared at Patton in surprise. The other boy chuckled at his expression.

“I was really sensitive to everything around me, the opposite of how stereotypes go. A lot of kids teased me, calling me a crybaby, holding contests to see how upset they could make me, and the teachers weren’t much help. And then I met Roman and he showed me that it’s okay to be different, to exist outside society’s view. I’m not saying I understand what you feel or go through, but I do know what it’s like to be ashamed of your own feelings.”

“I just,” Logan cleared his throat of the raspiness it had taken on after his suppressed scream., “I don’t know. I hate not knowing. I just, fuck this is so hard, I don’t, I don’t know. Emotions are so intense and I know that they’re an evolutionary trait but I just, I don’t—”

“You don’t understand them?” Patton asked, gently cutting him off. “You feel scared of how intense and controlling they can be over your life?”

“I guess. I don’t know Patton, _I don’t fucking know._ ” Logan teared up and took a shuddering breath, blinking back the wetness gathering in his eyes. 

“I’m going to hug you now, okay?” Patton said and Logan nodded. The boy immediately wrapped himself around Logan in a comforting embrace. Logan leaned into the warmth. “We’re going to work on this okay? I’ll be here for you, but I won’t stand by while you hurt yourself.”

“I don’t hurt myse—”

“Logan you do. It’s not what people would normally think is hurting yourself but you do. You literally keep all of your emotions on lockdown. That’s not healthy. Also I can see the fingernail marks on your palms. Those look pretty hurtful.”

Logan looked down at his hands, noticing for the first time the bright red and bloody crescents on his palms. “Oh…”

“Yea.”

They sat there until the end of lunch, when students started flooding the hallways. Logan and Patton got a lot of stares, people noticing the tear tracks and red eyes and the way Patton was hugging him. Roman and Virgil found them still that way a few minutes later, Roman immediately trying to apologize.

“No wait,” Logan said, holding up a hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, no matter how upset I was. Am. Whatever.” Patton cleared his throat meaningfully and Logan sighed. “You’re one of my best friends Roman. And Patton was right—I need to start letting myself feeling things.” Logan awkwardly stepped forward and gave Roman a quick hug. “Please forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you!” Roman shouted, pulling Logan back into the hug. Logan stiffened for a second and then let himself relax into it. It was actually...quite nice. Maybe this emotions thing wouldn’t be so bad.

**Author's Note:**

> So yea I wrote from my own experiences. Is it bad to suppress emotion? Yes. Will I continue to do it? Yes. 
> 
> I really need my own Patton...


End file.
